The Obscure Joke That Is The Golden Globes: TV Edition

By Scott Raychel

Oh Ricky, you so devious...

Well, the Golden Globes happened last night, and while it may not be said for the movies portion of the awards show, the television awards were sadly predictable, especially given the predictable nominations, which were only overshadowed by the fact that most of the nominations were a complete joke to begin with. But it happened, and with it comes the yearly debate on the merit of the Golden Globes. It’s secondary to the Oscars and the Emmys, but it’s still treated like it’s one of the big guys, despite its quality being consistently low and the outcomes normally ridiculed. This year was no different. Here’s how.

Ricky Gervais Hosted…Again…

Excuse me while I have a word with Ricky Gervais for a moment. Look, we get it, Ricky. You’re CONTROVERSIAL. You say things that supposedly hurt people’s feelings. But the problem with that whole concept is that in the end, you’re only helping those people’s careers. You made fun of the likes of Kim Kardashian, Justin Bieber, and Eddie Murphy, and the internet stands around the proverbial, digital water cooler the next day and plasters their names all over the place. They get a ratings boost without actually have shown up to the ceremony. It worked well the first year, because people didn’t quite expect it. But this year, celebrities basically showed up with a giant target on their backs, waiting for you to say something about them, because they knew their names would be the talk of the next, sad miserable Monday morning. Congratulations, you’re hurting your cause. But the worst part of all this, is that you very likely know this is exactly what you’re doing. You’re a troll and you know it, and the fact I’m taking your bait just means I dislike you even more. Please get off my television screen, you cheeky bastard.

Modern Family Won Best Comedy…Again…

Modern Family, while being a fairly good television show, is a fairly by-the-numbers single camera comedy. It’s been chugging along for a couple years now, not really content with the idea of pushing its boundaries, and when pitted against shows like Enlightened, Episodes, New Girl, and Glee, it wasn’t a surprise it was going to win. But had it been pinned against shows like Community, Parks and Recreation, or Louie, Modern Family wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) stand a chance. Community is the televised definition of the word “ambition,” Parks and Recreation is currently the gold standard for stellar ensemble casts, and Louie is some of the most groundbreaking stuff on television, but all three of these shows were completely snubbed, save for a couple acting nominations that also went un-noted. But if it doesn’t do well in the ratings, then it obviouslyain’t worth caring about. 

Breaking Bad Got Screwed Over…Again...

While it’s a pretty great time for dramas this season, the undisputed king has to be AMC’s already-classic meth juggernaut Breaking Bad. Well, unless you ask the Hollywood Foreign Press, apparently.For the third year in a row, Breaking Bad was nowhere to be seen on the ballots. Sure, Bryan Cranston got a Best Dramatic Actor nod, but lost to KELSEY GRAMMER. Allow me to repeat for emphasis: Three-time dramatic Emmy-winning actor Bryan Cranston lost a dramatic acting award to KELSEY GRAMMER. Season 4 of Breaking Bad not only had some of the best well-acted moments of television this season, but it was good enough that one could argue Bryan Cranston or Aaron Paul could carry a whole movie by themselves. Anyone who would think otherwise should be directed to this video: a brief scene displaying Cranston’s portrayal of a man hanging on to the end of his rope after it’s already snapped and let him fall to absolute rock bottom. The laugh is enough to make Heath Ledger’s Joker himself cringe in tense discomfort. 

Almost Nobody Is Asking Who The Hell The Hollywood Foreign Press Association Is...Again…

Has anyone ever thought about who they are? Everyone knows the Academy is comprised of actors, directors, filmmakers, and more. But the HFPA? Someone did some investigating, and guess what they found out? The people that decide who and what gets nominated and wins Golden Globe awards are actually just real-estate agents, car salesmen, showbiz publicists, hairdressers, and four or five measly journalists. The only requirements for membership are permanent residence in Southern California and only four published articles per year.

And this is exactly why nobody should ever take the Golden Globes seriously. It’s basically a giant circle jerk for people who felt jilted by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. The only reason they’re on television is because Dick Clark managed to get them a shot on network television. But really, nobody should taking award shows seriously, anyways. They’re all circle jerks, and we hate them because they never agree with the word of the people. But then again, how could the Academy or the Hollywood Foreign Press Association be blamed when the general public can’t really be trusted with something like the People’s Choice Awards?